CNT10

Since that day we've stopped to have any physical relation. Sejak hari itu kita telah berhenti untuk memiliki hubungan fisik. We've stopped to have any kind of intimate relation. Kami telah berhenti untuk memiliki segala jenis hubungan intim. Yunho has stopped to ask me to do it, Changmin does not talk about it, everything is back to place. Yunho telah berhenti untuk meminta saya untuk melakukannya, Changmin tidak berbicara tentang hal ini, semuanya kembali ke tempat. We joke, we laugh...Well it is almost back to normal, there is still something artificial, in the way we look at each other, some smiles some words, somehow it feels different we aren't completly back to being friends as we used to be. lelucon Kami, kita tertawa ... Yah hampir kembali normal, masih ada buatan sesuatu, dalam cara kita melihat satu sama lain, beberapa tersenyum beberapa kata, entah bagaimana rasanya berbeda kita tidak completly kembali ke teman-teman yang sebagai kita dulu.

But, after what happened no one could wish for something better. Namun, setelah apa yang terjadi tak seorang pun bisa berharap untuk sesuatu yang lebih baik. After all, if he had acted right away with me as he used to, I knew of the way I would be feeling right now. Lagi pula, jika ia telah bertindak langsung dengan saya seperti dulu, aku tahu cara saya akan merasa sekarang. With him acting this way I still could secrelty hope, think, that what happened between us was not a thing he could forget in one blink. Dengan cara ini dia bertindak secrelty aku masih bisa berharap, berpikir, bahwa apa yang terjadi antara kita bukanlah hal yang bisa melupakan dalam satu berkedip. Was not something so common that he could just erase it from his memory so easily, I still could hope that it did not leave him completly indiferent. Bukankah sesuatu yang sangat umum bahwa ia hanya bisa menghapusnya dari memori dengan begitu mudah, aku masih bisa berharap bahwa itu tidak meninggalkan dia completly indiferent. And somehow thinking like this helped me to interact almost naturally with him, helped me to smile to laugh, to not be scared away by his touch, thinking like that helped me to go on. Dan entah bagaimana berpikir seperti ini membantu saya untuk berinteraksi hampir secara alami dengan dia, membantu saya untuk tersenyum tertawa, untuk tidak takut pergi oleh sentuhannya, berpikir seperti itu membantu saya untuk melanjutkan.

Neither I or Yoochun told him we broke up. Baik aku atau YooChun mengatakan kepadanya kami putus. Well we did not tell him our relationship was a fake one, and that we put an end to it anyway. Yah kita tidak menceritakan hubungan kami adalah salah satu palsu, dan bahwa kita mengakhiri it anyway. But Yoochun insisted to make him believe that we still were together. Tapi Yoochun mendesak untuk membuat dia percaya bahwa kita masih bersama-sama. He claimed that it was the least he could do for me, and I stayed bewildered for a moment as I heard those words. Dia menyatakan bahwa itu adalah Setidaknya dia bisa lakukan untuk saya, dan saya tinggal bingung sesaat ketika aku mendengar kata-kata. After all wasn't it me who had hurt him ? Setelah semua bukan aku yang telah menyakitinya? I let escape this sentence unconsciously and he just smiled at me, saying that he hoped we could still stay friends, I smiled and nodded softly, how could someone be that nice ? Aku biarkan lolos kalimat ini secara tidak sadar, dan dia hanya tersenyum padaku, mengatakan bahwa ia berharap kami masih bisa tetap berteman, aku tersenyum dan mengangguk lembut, bagaimana mungkin seseorang adalah bahwa baik?

And so, he stopped to eat lunch with me, he stopped to pass by our classroom, but we let everyone else believe we still were in this kind of relationship. Maka, ia berhenti untuk makan siang dengan saya, dia berhenti untuk melewati kelas kami, tapi kita membiarkan orang lain percaya kita masih berada di hubungan semacam ini. Maybe it was because of that, that Yunho had completly stopped to talk about it, about the time we still maintained this relation, about Yoochun, or even about that moment we spent together weeks ago. Mungkin karena itu, yang telah completly Yunho berhenti untuk berbicara tentang hal itu, tentang waktu kita masih mempertahankan hubungan ini, tentang Yoochun, atau bahkan tentang saat kami menghabiskan waktu bersama minggu lalu. No, Yunho did not talk about it, not anymore. Tidak, Yunho tidak bicara tentang itu, tidak lagi. Not even once. Tidak sekali pun. And somehow it was weird, as if we both had awoken from a strange and hectic dream, and that we both felt too awkward to talk about it. Dan entah bagaimana itu aneh, seakan-akan kami berdua terbangun dari mimpi aneh dan sibuk, dan bahwa kami berdua merasa terlalu canggung untuk membicarakannya.

Though, even if a part of me wanted to talk, had a billion of questions to ask him, the other one was just awfully glad of that silence. Padahal, meskipun sebagian dari diriku ingin bicara, telah satu miliar pertanyaan untuk bertanya, yang lain hanya sangat senang keheningan itu. Apart from the modification of our relationship, that I knew was going to be back to normal one day, something had changed, within me and him. Selain dari modifikasi hubungan kami, yang aku tahu itu akan kembali normal suatu hari, sesuatu telah berubah, dalam diri saya dan dia. I was more distant towards him, I did not decide to make disappear those feelings I felt about him since, so many times I decided to do so, and so many times I found myself in a state worst than the last. Aku lebih jauh ke arahnya, aku tidak memutuskan untuk membuat hilang perasaan aku merasa tentang dirinya sejak, berkali-kali aku memutuskan untuk melakukannya, dan banyak kali aku mendapati diriku dalam keadaan paling buruk daripada sebelumnya. No, but I was decided to, even if I lied to myself even if it was impossible, and even if I had already fallen too deeply, I had decided that I will not let them grow any more. Tidak, tapi aku memutuskan untuk, bahkan jika saya berbohong pada diri sendiri bahkan jika hal itu mustahil, dan bahkan jika aku sudah jatuh terlalu dalam, aku telah memutuskan bahwa aku tidak akan membiarkan mereka tumbuh lagi.

So yes, I was more distant. Jadi ya, aku lebih jauh. However Yunho, who used to stick to me even more when I was spending not enough time from his point of view with him, did not anymore. Namun Yunho, yang digunakan untuk menempel saya bahkan lebih ketika saya tidak menghabiskan cukup waktu dari sudut pandang dengan dia, tidak lagi. He was not distant, neither was he clingy, he was just acting...Normal. Dia tidak jauh, baik dia menempel, dia hanya bertindak ... Normal. And to me it was abnormal. Dan bagi saya itu tidak normal. His all behaviour did not look like his anymore. semua perilaku-Nya tidak seperti itu lagi. And the fact that we both changed without realising it frightened and pained me. Dan fakta bahwa kami berdua berubah tanpa sadar aku takut dan sedih.

Though, for once I was lucky. Padahal, sekali ini aku beruntung. It was the end of the year, exams were finished. Itu adalah akhir tahun, ujian selesai. Which meant that most of the students were waiting for the results while doing nothing since not any of the upcoming marks meant anything for their grades. Yang berarti bahwa sebagian besar siswa menunggu hasil sementara melakukan apa-apa karena tidak semua tanda yang akan datang berarti apa-apa untuk nilai-nilai mereka. Most of the students, except the ones who were part of a special activity, like Yunho and I. He had to get ready for his competition and so he was spending more and more time practicing. Sebagian besar siswa, kecuali orang-orang yang merupakan bagian dari suatu kegiatan khusus, seperti Yunho dan I. Dia harus bersiap-siap untuk kompetisi dan jadi ia menghabiskan lebih banyak waktu berlatih. While I had to finish my painting for the art class. Sementara aku harus menyelesaikan lukisan saya untuk kelas seni. And since I still had no idea of what the hell I should draw, and being one of the students chosen for the art contest, time was against me. Dan karena aku masih tidak tahu apa yang saya harus menarik, dan menjadi salah satu siswa yang dipilih untuk lomba seni, waktu itu terhadap saya. I was as a result spending more and more time in the art room with Yoochun, waiting for that ghostly inspiration to appear. Saya sebagai akibat menghabiskan lebih banyak waktu dan lebih banyak di ruang seni dengan Yoochun, menunggu inspirasi hantu yang muncul.

So, even if we wished it, we would not have been able to meet as often. Jadi, bahkan jika kita berharap, kita tidak akan bisa bertemu sesering. That was what one could call luck wasn't it ? Itu yang bisa dikatakan keberuntungan bukan? But still I missed him, I missed talking to him, playing around with him, I missed his voice, I missed his presence. Tapi tetap saja aku merindukannya, aku merindukan berbicara dengannya, bermain-main dengan dia, aku rindu suaranya, aku merindukan kehadirannya. So much that I was not even able to concentrate, so much that even far away from him, even when we hardly talk, all I could think about was still him. Begitu banyak yang aku bahkan tidak mampu berkonsentrasi, sehingga banyak yang bahkan jauh darinya, bahkan ketika kami tidak berbicara, aku hanya bisa memikirkan masih dia. I had to be crazy that was for sure. Aku harus gila itu pasti.




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Yoochun was feeling lonely. Yoochun merasa kesepian. He couldn't exactly say why, or since when, but he was feeling lonely. Dia tidak bisa persis mengatakan mengapa, atau sejak kapan, tapi ia merasa kesepian. Something was lacking, something he couldn't name, but something that left him morose and lonely. Ada sesuatu yang kurang, sesuatu yang tidak bisa nama, tetapi sesuatu yang membuatnya sedih dan kesepian. It was not a feeling of saddeness, it wasn't anger, no, but it was as if he had lost something, something he enjoyed, something that brought him happiness. Bukan perasaan saddeness, tidak marah, tidak, tetapi seolah-olah ia telah kehilangan sesuatu, sesuatu yang dinikmati, sesuatu yang membawa dia kebahagiaan.

It was bugging. Itu mengganggu. It was really bugging how he couldn't find out what it exactly was. Ini benar-benar mengganggu bagaimana dia tidak bisa mencari tahu apa tepatnya. There just was something he wished...Something he yearned for but his mind refused to formulate it. Ada sesuatu yang hanya ingin ... Sesuatu yang merindukan tapi pikirannya menolak untuk merumuskan itu. And there he was, like a fool trying to think of what possibly could be wrong. Dan itu dia, seperti orang tolol mencoba memikirkan apa yang mungkin bisa salah. And always it was the same, in his mind he suceeded to find nothing more than a total blank. Dan selalu hal yang sama, dalam pikirannya ia berhasil menemukan tak lebih dari total kosong.

He sighed. Dia menghela napas. What possibly could be wrong ? Apa yang mungkin bisa salah? He hated this feeling in his heart. Dia benci perasaan ini dalam hatinya. He seriously felt as everything was all right, as he had every reasons to feel good. Dia serius merasa semuanya baik-baik, seperti yang setiap alasan untuk merasa baik. He was not worried anymore about Jaejoong, the latter did not continue the harmful relationship he maitained with Yunho. Dia tidak khawatir lagi tentang Jaejoong, yang terakhir tidak melanjutkan hubungan berbahaya ia maitained dengan Yunho. He had been able to explain him what he felt, and they had grown to be really close friends. Dia telah mampu menjelaskan kepadanya apa yang ia rasakan, dan mereka telah berkembang menjadi teman yang sangat dekat.

And somehow, Yoochun thought that it was the best that way. Dan entah bagaimana, Yoochun berpikir bahwa itu adalah cara yang terbaik. He was not so sure anymore of the kind of feelings he had for him. Dia tidak begitu yakin lagi dari jenis perasaan yang untuknya. What he knew was that he worshiped their relationship now. Apa yang ia tahu adalah bahwa dia menyembah hubungan mereka sekarang. That Jaejoong was a really important person, but he could not lie about the fact that as he confessed he already knew his answer. Jaejoong Itu adalah orang yang benar-benar penting, tapi ia tidak bisa berbohong tentang fakta bahwa dia mengaku dia sudah tahu jawabannya. He just knew that if Jaejoong felt the kind of love that had lead him to go that far, for Yunho, then his feelings would not have had a chance to reach his heart. Dia hanya tahu bahwa jika Jaejoong merasakan jenis cinta yang membawanya pergi sejauh itu, untuk Yunho, maka perasaannya tidak akan memiliki kesempatan untuk mencapai hatinya. Yoochun knew that, and he talked anyway. Yoochun tahu itu, dan dia berbicara pula. But he did not regret it, not a bit. Tapi dia tidak menyesal, tidak sedikit. The rejection from Jaejoong, after that some days had passed, did not affect him anymore. Penolakan dari Jaejoong, setelah itu beberapa hari berlalu, tidak berpengaruh lagi. He then understood that what he did was needed, so that he could go on. Dia kemudian mengerti bahwa apa yang dia lakukan adalah yang diperlukan, agar ia bisa terus.

And, now, as he looked at him he didn't feel the same way anymore. Dan, sekarang, saat ia menatap dia tidak merasakan hal yang sama lagi. He felt quite shameful about it, shameful about how fast he got better but he knew the reason, something as simple as to have found in that person a real friend. Dia merasa cukup memalukan tentang hal itu, memalukan tentang seberapa cepat dia menjadi lebih baik tapi dia tahu alasan, sesuatu yang sederhana seperti telah ditemukan bahwa seseorang sahabat sejati. Even if romantic feelings were not present anymore in his heart, his affection for him remained the same, only different by its nature. Bahkan jika perasaan romantis tidak hadir lagi di dalam hatinya, kasih sayang baginya tetap sama, hanya berbeda berdasarkan sifatnya.


And so, Yoochun really could not understand the reason of his malaise. Jadi, Yoochun benar-benar tidak bisa memahami alasan malaise nya. He had no reason to feel that way did he ? Dia tidak punya alasan untuk merasa seperti itu bukan? That was really frustrating, wishing for something without knowing what the actual thing was. Itu benar-benar frustasi, berharap untuk sesuatu tanpa mengetahui apa hal yang sebenarnya. But he couldn't help it. Tapi dia tidak tahan.
He had to be crazy that was for sure. Dia harus gila itu pasti.




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Yunho heard the shouting of his coach through the water, he understood that he was the one targetted, but he could not care less. Yunho mendengar teriakan dari pelatihnya melalui air, ia mengerti bahwa ia adalah satu sasaran, tapi ia tak peduli.
He was conscious that the final competition was coming closer and closer, and this now was the time or never to get concentrated. Dia sadar bahwa persaingan akhir datang semakin dekat, dan ini sekarang adalah waktu atau tidak untuk mendapatkan terkonsentrasi. Even more when he knew he was the best in the team, and that exceptations were set on him. Bahkan lebih banyak ketika ia tahu bahwa ia adalah yang terbaik dalam tim, dan bahwa exceptations ditetapkan padanya. But he just could not, and truthfully now the all matter of the competition, his team or his coach had no importance. Namun, dia tidak bisa, dan jujur sekarang semua materi kompetisi, atau pelatih timnya telah tidak penting.

It was not leaving his mind, again and again one only thought, Jaejoong. Bukan meninggalkan pikirannya, lagi dan lagi hanya satu pikiran, Jaejoong. Why or since when he could not tell, but he found himself imprisoned by those thoughts that constantly violated his mind. Mengapa atau sejak kapan ia tidak tahu, tapi ia mendapati dirinya dipenjara oleh pikiran-pikiran yang terus-menerus melanggar pikirannya. Always, a moment they shared occured him, always his voice, his gests got him to stare at him. Selalu, saat mereka bersama terjadi padanya, selalu suaranya, gests nya menyuruhnya menatapnya. He found himself staring at his smiles, his movements, and without even realising it he started to not be able to stop. Dia mendapati dirinya menatap senyum, gerakannya, dan bahkan tanpa sadar ia mulai tidak bisa berhenti. Without realising it he found himself imprisoned by his own behaviour. Tanpa disadari dia menemukan dirinya dipenjarakan oleh perilaku sendiri.

And Yunho did not like that. Dan Yunho tidak seperti itu. He did not like the fact to not be able to have things in control. Dia tidak menyukai kenyataan untuk tidak dapat memiliki hal-hal yang memegang kendali. To be assaulted like that and not being able to do anything about it, to be all of a sudden under the control of something else and to not be able to fight against it. Akan diserang seperti itu dan tidak bisa berbuat apa-apa, akan tiba-tiba di bawah kendali sesuatu yang lain dan tidak dapat melawannya. He hated that feeling who let him angry and frustrated. Dia benci perasaan yang biarkan dia marah dan frustrasi.
The shouting of the man intensified. Teriakan manusia yang intensif. Yunho was the kind of man that set to himself no limits, nor any bond that could restrict him, and so he could not stand it. Yunho adalah jenis orang yang mengatur dirinya sendiri tanpa batas, maupun obligasi yang dapat membatasi dirinya, sehingga dia tidak tahan.

Even more when he did not know why it was happening to him. Bahkan lebih ketika ia tidak tahu mengapa hal itu terjadi padanya. Why was he so obsessed by one only person now ? Mengapa dia begitu terobsesi oleh satu orang baru sekarang? Jaejoong, he repeated the same name in his mind in leitmotiv. Jaejoong, ia mengulangi nama yang sama dalam pikirannya di leitmotiv. What had happened ? Apa yang terjadi? He could not get him out of his mind, out of his thoughts out of him. Dia tidak bisa membuatnya keluar dari pikirannya, dari pikiran keluar dari padanya. It angered him. Hal ini membuatnya marah.

Even more when he perfectly knew he could not do a thing about it. Bahkan lebih sempurna ketika tahu ia tidak bisa berbuat apa-apa tentang hal itu. Jaejoong. Jaejoong. Was it because he seemed so far away from him now ? Apakah karena ia tampak begitu jauh dari dia sekarang? Was it because it felt as if he had been pulled out him ? Apakah itu karena merasa seolah-olah ia ditarik keluar dia? Was it because he was too possessive and couldn't stand someone else being with him ? Apakah karena dia terlalu posesif dan tidak tahan menjadi orang lain dengan dia? Yunho did not find any of the latter ideas appealing. Yunho tidak menemukan ide yang terakhir menarik. He truly could not tell, but all he knew all he felt was that something was missing now, and he knew exactly what it was, who it was. Dia benar-benar tidak tahu, tetapi ia tahu semua ia rasakan bahwa ada sesuatu yang hilang sekarang, dan ia tahu persis apa itu, siapa orang itu. It was driving him crazy. Hal itu membuatnya gila.

And even more when he was counscious he could not interfere. Dan bahkan lebih ketika dia counscious dia tidak dapat mencampuri. Since Jaejoong started to go out with him, Yunho knew it was over. Sejak Jaejoong mulai pergi dengan dia, Yunho tahu itu berakhir. That he will not be able to have anything from him anymore. Bahwa ia tidak akan dapat memiliki sesuatu dari dia lagi. And as he thought about it, that was when it started, just as Jaejoong got away from him, he started to feel this way. Dan saat dia berpikir tentang hal itu, itu ketika memulai, seperti Jaejoong lolos dari padanya, ia mulai merasa seperti ini. Since a long time now. Sejak waktu yang lama sekarang. The first days, it was truly a bore to see the two of them together. Hari-hari pertama, ia benar-benar membosankan untuk melihat mereka berdua. He wanted him, he truly desired him and so he allowed himself to dream. Dia ingin, dia benar-benar diinginkan dia dan jadi dia membiarkan dirinya bermimpi. He dreamt so much about them that he couldn't possibly tell the exact number of times he did so. Dia bermimpi begitu banyak tentang mereka bahwa ia tidak mungkin mengatakan persis jumlah kali ia melakukannya.
And as he tried to recall the moments of intimicy they shared, he almost could not differentiate the true ones from the dreamt ones. Dan saat ia mencoba mengingat saat-saat intimicy mereka berbagi, ia hampir tidak bisa membedakan yang benar dari yang bermimpi.

Except for one. Kecuali satu. There was one that was so clear in his mind that each time he thought about it, it sent his senses on fire. Ada satu yang begitu jelas dalam benaknya bahwa setiap kali dia memikirkan hal itu, itu dikirim indra di atas api. The last they ever had. Yang terakhir mereka pernah. The one they shared on that rainy day, so clear, so neat, he could still recall the taste of the violent kisses Jaejoong gave him, he did not imagine it but felt the burning passion that had taken over him from the time he took Jaejoong in his arm to the moment of his release. Yang mereka bersama pada hari hujan, begitu jelas, begitu rapi, dia masih bisa ingat rasa dari ciuman Jaejoong memberinya kekerasan, ia tidak membayangkan, tapi terasa membakar semangat yang telah mengambil alih dirinya sejak ia mengambil JaeJoong di lengannya sampai saat pembebasannya. The pleasure of his skin under his hand, the noises that went out of his mouth, the spasms of their two bodies, how the other man shivered and cried out. Kesenangan di bawah kulit tangan, suara-suara yang keluar dari mulutnya, yang kejang dua tubuh mereka, bagaimana orang lain menggigil dan berteriak. He could still remember everything, and so clearly. Dia masih bisa mengingat semuanya, dan dengan begitu jelas.

He could still remember everything from that day. Dia masih bisa mengingat semua dari hari itu. He took the road they usually took to go to his house, and he walked slowly, so slowly, rain was falling down, he was drenched but he didn't care anymore. Dia mengambil jalan mereka biasanya membawa pergi ke rumahnya, dan ia berjalan lambat, sehingga perlahan-lahan, hujan itu jatuh, dia basah kuyup tetapi ia tidak peduli lagi. He didn't feel like walking any faster, he didn't feel like looking for a place where to shelter, he only wanted to walk here. Dia tidak merasa seperti berjalan lebih cepat, dia tidak merasa seperti mencari tempat untuk berlindung, ia hanya ingin berjalan di sini.

And that was when he heard it, the noise of footsteps claquing on the wet sidewalk. Dan saat itulah ia mendengarnya, suara langkah kaki claquing di trotoar basah. He couldn't tell why he thought that way, why he felt this way, but he did. Dia tidak tahu mengapa ia berpikiran seperti itu, mengapa dia merasa cara ini, tapi dia. And as he turned back, he saw him, he was not even shocked, he did not even want or needed to ask him what he was doing here, why was he in his arms, why were the two of them kissing there, no he did not need it, he did not want it. Dan saat dia berbalik kembali, ia melihat orang itu, dia bahkan tidak terkejut, ia bahkan tidak ingin atau perlu bertanya apa yang dia lakukan di sini, mengapa dia dalam pelukannya, mengapa mereka berdua berciuman di sana, ada dia tidak membutuhkannya, ia tidak menginginkannya.

He only closed his eyes and kissed him, he closed his arms tightly around his waist, just to be sure he was here, and to be sure he would not leave. Dia hanya memejamkan mata dan menciumnya, dia menutup lengannya erat-erat di pinggang, hanya untuk memastikan dia ada di sini, dan untuk memastikan dia tidak akan pergi. And that was the last thing he thought of. Dan itulah hal terakhir yang memikirkan. What happened next just drove away all kind of thoughts, it was as if he did that out of instinct rather than need. Apa yang terjadi selanjutnya hanya mengusir semua jenis pemikiran, maka seolah-olah dia melakukan itu keluar dari naluri bukan kebutuhan.
But it was the last time, the last time they did that, and from the moment their lips touched Yunho knew that, he knew Jaejoong was not back to him. Tapi terakhir kali, terakhir kali mereka melakukan itu, dan dari saat bibir mereka menyentuh Yunho tahu bahwa, dia tahu Jaejoong tidak kembali kepadanya.

But at that moment, he could not care less, he only wanted to enjoy the moment, and anyway any kind of thoughts would have been a bother. Tetapi pada saat itu, dia tak peduli, ia hanya ingin menikmati saat ini, lagi pula segala bentuk pikiran akan mengganggu. However, as they both came, no, just after they did, when the maddeness that took possession of both of them ended. Namun, karena keduanya datang, tidak, tepat setelah mereka lakukan, ketika maddeness yang menguasai mereka berdua berakhir. Billions of thoughts and questions flowed in his mind, there was so much he wanted to say or ask, but instead he let the weird and full of tension silence hanging between the two od them. Miliaran pikiran dan pertanyaan mengalir dalam pikirannya, ada begitu banyak ia ingin berkata atau bertanya, tapi dia malah membiarkan menggantung aneh dan penuh keheningan ketegangan antara kedua od mereka. He let the air feel heavy on both of their shoulders. Dia membiarkan udara terasa berat di pundak mereka berdua.

Until he asked it, the first thing he thought of, which was also one of the thing he kept to ask himself. Sampai dia tanya itu, hal pertama yang dia memikirkan, yang juga salah satu hal itu ia terus bertanya pada dirinya sendiri. But then, Jaejoong's answer...He could not say in which way but it deceived him, it could not say what but something crept inside of his stomach, some strange feeling, some strange realisation. Tapi kemudian, jawaban Jaejoong's ... Dia tidak bisa mengatakan di mana cara tapi menipunya, ia tidak bisa mengatakan apa tapi ada sesuatu merayap di dalam perutnya, ada perasaan aneh, beberapa realisasi aneh. Look at him, he could not anymore. Lihat dia, dia tidak bisa lagi. Talk to him either. Bicara padanya baik. Something was different from this moment on. Ada yang berbeda sejak saat ini. He remained there, the cushion wrapped around his hips, thinking of how a minute ago thoughts were filling his mind and how now, it was a total blank. Dia tetap ada, bantal membungkus pinggul, memikirkan bagaimana menit lalu pikiran yang mengisi pikiran dan bagaimana sekarang, itu adalah kosong total.

He felt the bed slightly moving, as if a weight had been put off. Dia merasa tempat tidur sedikit bergerak, seolah-olah berat telah menunda. He heard the sheets falling on the floor and the noise of someone putting his clothes on. Dia mendengar lembaran jatuh di lantai dan suara seseorang meletakkan pakaian lengkap. And then, footsteps, calm and slow, a way of walking that he knew only one person owned, he heard him walking away. Dan kemudian, langkah kaki, tenang dan lambat, cara berjalan yang ia tahu hanya satu orang yang dimiliki, ia mendengar dia berjalan pergi.

Since that day, Jaejoong and him were back to be friends. Sejak hari itu, Jaejoong dan dia kembali menjadi teman. Just friends. Hanya teman-teman. They both know that the two of them are trying hard for that relationship to function, they both laugh and smile at each other, but sometimes, Yunho feel that something is superficial in their way of acting with each other, and it pains him. Mereka berdua tahu bahwa mereka berdua berusaha keras untuk hubungan yang berfungsi, mereka berdua tertawa dan saling tersenyum, tetapi kadang, Yunho merasa ada sesuatu yang dangkal dalam cara mereka bertindak dengan satu sama lain, dan dia sakit.
But, it would pain him even more to lose his friendship, and so he waits patiently for the day things could be simple between them again, if it ever was that is. Tapi, itu akan lebih sakit dia kehilangan persahabatannya, dan jadi dia menunggu sabar untuk hal-hal hari bisa sederhana antara mereka lagi, kalau pernah ada yang.




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“Junsu ah, we eat lunch together today, Jae and Yunho can't join us” Changmin announced. "Junsu ah, kita makan siang bersama hari ini, Jae dan Yunho tidak bisa bergabung dengan kami" Changmin diumumkan.

“They can't ? "Mereka tidak bisa? I know that Jae is too busy nowadays with his assignment but what about Yunho ?” Aku tahu bahwa Jae terlalu sibuk saat ini dengan tugas, tapi bagaimana dengan Yunho? "

“Well for what I know he was preoccupied by something and screwed everything up during his practice, and you know him when he's angry, he just completely ignored his coach to the end, and I think he told him to be quiet, to be polite” "Yah untuk apa yang saya tahu dia sedang sibuk dengan sesuatu dan mengacaukan segalanya selama latihan, dan kau tahu dia ketika dia marah, dia hanya benar-benar diabaikan pelatih sampai akhir, dan saya pikir dia menyuruhnya diam, harus sopan "

“And ? "Dan? What did he do ?” Apa yang dilakukannya? "

“Seems like he has to stay for extra practice for lunch and after class too, anyway sit down, I'll go buy lunch” "Sepertinya dia harus tinggal untuk berlatih ekstra untuk makan siang dan setelah kelas juga, tetap duduk, aku akan pergi membeli makan siang"

Junsu just nodded and did as Changmin told. Junsu hanya mengangguk dan berbuat seperti kata Changmin. He was glad the year was coming to its end, soon he'll be on vacation and will be able to relax. Dia senang datang tahun berakhir, segera dia akan berlibur dan akan bisa rileks. He had told Changmin about what happened with Yoochun, and he had accepted to replace him. Dia telah memberitahu Changmin tentang apa yang terjadi dengan Yoochun, dan ia telah menerima untuk menggantikannya. But exactly as Junsu thought, being given lessons by him could lead anyone close to commit suicide. Tapi persis seperti Junsu berpikir, diberi pelajaran oleh dia dapat menyebabkan dekat orang untuk bunuh diri. In addition of making him feel like the dumbest guy that the earth had ever known, he asked a lot of him. Selain membuat dia merasa seperti orang paling bodoh bahwa bumi yang pernah diketahui, ia bertanya banyak padanya. But now the exams were over and all he had to deal with was the pressure, since he was sure that if he failed that guy would kill him. Tapi sekarang ujian sudah berakhir dan semua ia harus berurusan dengan itu tekanan, karena ia yakin bahwa jika ia gagal bahwa orang akan membunuhnya.
He sighed slightly there was still some days to go before the results to be out. Dia menghela napas sedikit masih ada beberapa hari lagi sebelum hasil yang akan keluar.

“Junsu ?” He looked up, and was quite surprised to see his eyes set on a guy whi looked exactly like Yoochun. "JunSu" tampak? Dia, dan cukup terkejut melihat matanya diatur pada WHI orang tampak persis seperti Yoochun.

“Yaa, Junsu it's been so long” "Yaa, Junsu ini sudah begitu lama"

“...Yeah” Junsu's eyes widdened as...Yoochun sat next to him. "Yeah ..." mata JunSu's widdened sebagai ... Yoochun duduk di sampingnya. “Are you, Are you going to have lunch...Here ?” "Apakah Anda, Apakah Anda akan makan siang ... Di sini?"

“Well yeah, I can't ? "Well yeah, aku tidak bisa? You know, I think...I think our quarrel was really childish, I mean it's been weeks that we haven't talked to each other just because of this ! Kau tahu, saya pikir ... saya pikir kami bertengkar benar-benar kekanak-kanakan, aku serius Sudah berminggu-minggu, bahwa kita tidak berbicara satu sama lain hanya karena ini! It does not make any sense really” Ini tidak masuk akal benar-benar "

“I...I know but Changmin is going to come soon and...” "I. .. Aku tahu, tapi Changmin akan segera datang dan ..."

“And ? "Dan? There is other seats around this table he's not going to die if he does not seat next to you for once” Ada kursi lain di meja ini dia tidak akan mati jika dia tidak duduk di sebelah Anda untuk sekali "

“...Why...Why don't you eat with Jaejoong ?” "... Mengapa ... Mengapa tidak kamu makan dengan Jaejoong?"

“Well obviously because I want to eat with you, okay so, how is it with Changmin ? "Yah jelas karena saya ingin makan dengan Anda, oke begitu, bagaimana dengan Changmin? Your lessons I mean” pelajaran Anda Maksudku "

“It is...Great he's a really nice and understandable guy, I've never felt stressed up because of him” "Ini adalah ... Great dia orang yang benar-benar baik dan dapat dipahami, saya tidak pernah merasa stres atas karena dia"

“Oh, is that so ? "Oh, begitu? Well I guess it's good then, the results are coming out soon aren't they ? Well I guess itu baik maka, hasilnya segera keluar bukan? What about me inviting you to lunch if you succeed ?” Bagaimana saya mengundang Anda untuk makan siang bila Anda berhasil? "

“No seriously there's no need to that, besides I'm really doubtful about it” "Tidak serius ada tidak perlu itu, selain aku benar-benar ragu tentang hal itu"

“Then I'll invite you if you fail too, so that you'll feel better” "Lalu aku akan mengundang Anda jika Anda gagal juga, sehingga Anda akan merasa lebih baik"

“Yaa, there's not any challenge left” Junsu laughed. "Yaa, tidak ada tantangan kiri" JunSu tertawa.

“Junsu ah, I missed it” "Junsu ah, aku rindu itu"

“Missed what ?” "Gagal apa?"

“Your laugh” Junsu stiffened. "Tertawa Anda" JunSu menegang.

“Yoochun shhi, you're here ?” Junsu felt relieved as Changmin's voice rang. "Yoochun shhi, kau di sini?" JunSu merasa lega sebagai suara Changmin berdering.

“Changmin you were too long seriously” "Changmin Anda terlalu lama serius"

“It's not my fault there was so many people out there” Changmin stared at Yoochun “But tell me, Yoochun shhi, you had decided to eat with Junsu ? "Itu bukan salahku ada begitu banyak orang di luar sana" Changmin menatap Yoochun "Tapi katakan, Yoochun shhi, Anda telah memutuskan untuk makan dengan Junsu? I can leave if I am a bother you know” Aku bisa pergi jika saya mengganggu Anda tahu "

“I've never said that” He answered. "Aku tidak pernah mengatakan bahwa" Dia menjawab.

“Well I don't know you look visibly annoyed” "Well, aku tidak tahu kau tampak terlihat kesal"

“I am not. "Aku tidak. Why would I ? Kenapa aku? Well you know, I still have a lot of things to do, I think I should go” Yah kau tahu, aku masih memiliki banyak hal yang harus dilakukan, saya pikir saya harus pergi "

“So Soon ?” Changmin asked, to what Yoochun did not answer and only walked away. "Jadi Segera" Changmin tanya, untuk? Apa YooChun tidak menjawab dan hanya berjalan pergi.

“Junsu, I'll be back in a while” He said before taking the same direction the other man took. "JunSu, aku akan kembali dalam beberapa saat" Dia mengatakan sebelum mengambil arah yang sama orang lain itu.




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“Hey, Yoochun ! "Hei, Yoochun! Yoochun please wait up” Yoochun silakan tunggu "

“What do you want Changmin sshi I'm busy” Yoochun, couldn't tell why, but he was angry, and the idiotic smirk plastered on the other man's face only had as a result to fed him up some more. "Apa yang ingin sshi Changmin aku sibuk" YooChun, tidak tahu kenapa, tapi dia marah, dan seringai bodoh menempel pada wajah orang lain hanya sebagai hasil untuk makan dia lagi.

“Then I'll go straight to the point what do you feel for Junsu ?” "Lalu aku akan pergi langsung ke titik apa yang Anda rasakan terhadap Junsu?"

“...I like him, he's my friend why ?” "... Aku suka dia, dia teman saya kenapa?"

“Is that so...It's funny seeing how you acted I would have sworn you liked him in an other way” "Apakah itu begitu ... It's funny melihat bagaimana Anda bertindak saya berani bersumpah kau menyukainya dengan cara yang lain"

“An other way ?” "Sebuah cara lain?"

“Yeah, like him in a romantic way” "Yeah, seperti dia dengan cara yang romantis"

“...I, no” "... Aku, tidak"

“Ah yes, I forgot you like Jaejoong don't you ?” And Yoochun clenched his fists at the expression Changmin had now. "Ah ya, aku lupa Anda suka JaeJoong kan?" Dan Yoochun mengepalkan tinjunya di ekspresi Changmin sekarang. “Then, please stay away from him for a while will you ?” "Kalau begitu, silahkan tinggal jauh dari dia untuk sementara waktu akan Anda?"

“And why would I ?” "Dan kenapa aku?"

“Because it will be better for him that's all” "Karena itu akan lebih baik baginya itu saja"

“I don't see in what way my presence could hurt him, and anyway, who are you to say this ? "Saya tidak melihat dengan cara bagaimana kehadiran saya bisa menyakitinya, dan tetap, yang kamu katakan ini? I don't see any reason for me to listen to you” Saya tidak melihat alasan bagi saya untuk mendengarkan Anda "

“Well maybe you don't, but I do. "Yah mungkin tidak, tapi aku lakukan. I'm his friend I know how he feels, and obviously you don't” Aku teman, aku tahu bagaimana ia merasa, dan jelas Anda tidak "

“Obviously you seem to care a lot for him uh ? "Jelas Anda tampaknya sangat peduli baginya eh? What are you jealous or something when I'm with him ?” Apa yang kau cemburu atau sesuatu saat aku dengan dia? "

“I think you're confusing our two situations, I at least know what I want, that's all I had to say” "Saya pikir Anda membingungkan kedua situasi, setidaknya saya tahu apa yang saya inginkan, itu saja aku harus katakan"

And before Yoochun had the time to talk back Changmin was gone. Dan sebelum Yoochun memiliki waktu untuk bicara kembali Changmin sudah pergi. He definitively could not stand this guy at all. Dia pasti tidak tahan orang ini sama sekali.




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My eyes were set on the white canvas, blank and emptiness, that's what I saw, I really could not think of anything to draw. Mataku set pada kanvas putih, kosong dan kekosongan, itu yang saya lihat, saya benar-benar tidak bisa memikirkan apa pun untuk menarik.
Why don't you express your feelings in the painting ? Mengapa tidak Anda mengekspresikan perasaan Anda dalam lukisan itu? Without hiding anything ? Those words that Yoochun had said occured to me. Tanpa menyembunyikan sesuatu? Kata-kata yang YooChun telah mengatakan terjadi kepada saya. My feelings uh ? Eh perasaan saya?
Without really thinking, I dipped my paintbrush in the blue paint. Tanpa benar-benar berpikir, aku mencelupkan kuas saya di cat biru. I spread that blue color on the white base, my hands moved out of their own will, I draw Yunho's back blended in blue. Aku menyebar bahwa warna biru pada basis putih, tanganku akan pindah dari mereka sendiri, aku menarik kembali Yunho's dicampur dengan warna biru.

The mix of those two colors recalled me of so many things. Campuran dari dua warna ingat saya tentang banyak hal. The color of his sheets, the color of his bedroom's curtains, the color of the water in which he swims, and then, recalled me of a fire, the hottest part of the flame. Warna seprai nya, warna tirai kamar nya, warna air yang dia berenang, dan kemudian, saya teringat api, bagian terpanas dari nyala api. My Desire for him. Keinginan saya untuk dia. My mind, nude was this painting, my desire exposed, was my mind, I could not hide it, or hide from it. Pikiranku, telanjang adalah lukisan ini, keinginan saya terkena, adalah pikiran saya, saya tidak bisa menyembunyikannya, atau menyembunyikan dari itu.
The painting I was achieving said you're my desire. Lukisan saya mencapai mengatakan kau keinginan saya. It said I love you. Itu kata aku mencintaimu.

“I'm glad you finally decided to start with your assignment” "Aku senang kau akhirnya memutuskan untuk mulai dengan tugas Anda"

“Yoochun ? "Yoochun? You scared me ! Kau membuatku takut! I didn't hear you coming!” Aku tidak mendengar Anda datang! "

“Sorry, Sorry...Wah ! "Maaf, Maaf ... Wah! That seems to be very good...” Yoochun's voice trailed off before adding “Jaejoong, you still love him don't you ?” Yang tampaknya sangat baik ... "YooChun suara mengecil sebelum menambahkan" Jaejoong, Anda masih mencintainya kan? "

Yoochun gently touched my shoulder, his voice turning softer. Yoochun lembut menyentuh bahu saya, suaranya berubah lembut. “Then you've got to tell him, can you still be his friend leaving issues unsettled ? "Kalau begitu kau harus memberitahu dia, bisa Anda masih menjadi temannya meninggalkan masalah terselesaikan? Aften years...Can you still be ? tahun seringkali ... Apakah Anda masih akan? This picture shows your thoughts, he will know when he'll see it don't you think ?” Gambar ini menunjukkan pikiran Anda, ia akan tahu kapan dia akan melihatnya kan? "

When he will see it, yes he will know. Ketika ia akan melihat hal itu, ya dia akan tahu. Maybe I did that on purpose, maybe after all I wished for him to learn it. Mungkin aku melakukannya dengan sengaja, mungkin setelah semua aku berharap baginya untuk mempelajarinya. Maybe I've never wanted to give it up, that fire he set inside of me, those feelings he made born in my heart. Mungkin aku belum pernah ingin menyerah, bahwa api ia menetapkan dalam diriku, perasaan ia lahir dalam hatiku. Maybe the reason which explained why each time I tried, it became worser, was because I've never wished for them to disappear. Mungkin alasan yang menjelaskan mengapa setiap kali aku mencoba, menjadi worser, adalah karena aku tidak pernah berharap untuk mereka menghilang. And now, I undersand, those feelings I have for him, them to leave me, leave my heart that way, I don't want it. Dan sekarang, aku undersand, perasaan saya untuk dia, mereka untuk meninggalkan aku, meninggalkan hatiku seperti itu, saya tidak menginginkannya. I don't want to give up the warmth I feel. Aku tidak ingin menyerah kehangatan kurasakan.

The time when I was cold seemed far away now, I maybe was crazy but I never felt this confident. Waktu ketika Aku kedinginan terasa jauh sekarang, aku mungkin gila tapi aku tak pernah merasa ini percaya diri. I maybe was a fool to think that way, but I understood one thing, I could not keep to run away, I did not want to run away. Saya mungkin bodoh untuk berpikir seperti itu, tapi aku mengerti satu hal, aku tidak bisa terus melarikan diri, aku tidak ingin lari. What was inside of my heart was too strong and pure to be hidden, to be shameful about it. Apa yang dalam hatiku terlalu kuat dan murni untuk menjadi tersembunyi, menjadi memalukan tentang hal itu. I was no longer afraid of rejection, it didn't matter anymore. Saya tidak lagi takut penolakan, itu tidak penting lagi. I finally saw clearly, I had to be honest, with me and him, or I'd never be able to move on. Akhirnya aku melihat dengan jelas, aku harus jujur, dengan aku dan dia, atau aku takkan pernah bisa untuk melanjutkan.

It seemed almost blatant now, as if that moment was meant to happen from the beginning. Rasanya sekarang hampir terang-terangan, seolah-olah saat itu dimaksudkan untuk terjadi sejak awal. In the painting, I transmitted everything that I felt, my pain, my pleasure, my desire and my love. Dalam lukisan itu, saya dikirimkan semua yang saya rasakan, sakit saya, kesenangan saya, keinginan dan cinta saya. It was quite heady to be able to paint a part of me, as if I could fix a moment of my life in it. Hal ini cukup memabukkan untuk dapat melukis bagian dari diriku, seakan aku bisa memperbaiki saat kehidupan saya di dalamnya. As if I could fix my desire for him inside of this painting. Seolah-olah saya bisa memperbaiki keinginan saya untuk dia dalam lukisan ini.

I didn't know where the self assurance that seemed to have taken control of myself came from, I didn't know why I was suddenly feeling that motivated, that happy, but it did not matter. Aku tidak tahu di mana kepastian diri yang sepertinya sudah menguasai diriku berasal, aku tidak tahu mengapa aku tiba-tiba merasa yang memotivasi, yang bahagia, tapi itu tidak penting. I sensed that I was doing for the first time the rightest thing, I didn't regret anymore what happened, I didn't wish to go back to the past. Saya merasa bahwa saya melakukan untuk pertama kalinya hal rightest, aku tidak menyesal lagi apa yang terjadi, aku tidak ingin kembali ke masa lalu. The sorrow I felt, the feelings I had for him, everything was a part of me now, until I'll share it with him. Kesedihan aku merasa, perasaan saya untuk dia, semuanya adalah bagian dari diriku sekarang, sampai aku akan berbagi dengan dia.

“Jaejoong, can I ask you something ?” "Jaejoong, bisa saya menanyakan sesuatu?"

“What is it?” "Apa itu?"

“Can I kiss you ?” "Bisakah aku menciummu?"

“Have you turned mad Yoochun ?” "Apakah kau berbalik YooChun gila?"

“Just a peck...I just want to verify something, please ?” "Hanya mematuk ... Aku hanya ingin memastikan sesuatu, silahkan?"

“Something like ?” "Sesuatu seperti?"

“I...There's a weird feeling I have since a while...I just want to be sure what I felt has completly vanished before” "I. .. Ada perasaan aneh saya telah sejak lama ... Aku hanya ingin memastikan apa yang kurasakan telah completly lenyap sebelum"

“...I understand...okay then” "... Aku mengerti ... oke kemudian"

Yoochun hadn't lie it was just a peck. Yoochun tidak berbohong itu hanya mematuk. And it let him perplexe but in the meant time stunned. Dan membiarkannya perplexe tetapi dalam waktu berarti tertegun. He did not feel anything, nothing at all. Dia tidak merasakan apa-apa, apa-apa.

“So how was it ?” "Jadi bagaimana ini?"

“Nothing at all” "Tidak ada sama sekali"

“You do know that if we weren't in this special situation I would have felt attrociously vexed ?” "Kau tahu bahwa jika kami tidak dalam situasi khusus saya akan merasa attrociously jengkel?"

But Yoochun couldn't laugh with Jaejoong. Tapi Yoochun tidak bisa tertawa dengan Jaejoong. It was strange, he didn't know what he felt anymore, he didn't know anything anymore. Aneh, dia tidak tahu apa yang ia rasakan lagi, dia tidak tahu apa-apa lagi. He knew that only friendship remained between them now, but he had assumed that his melancholy of the past days was dued anyway to some kind of undisclosable saddeness that he unconsciously felt after what happened or something like that. Dia tahu bahwa persahabatan hanya tersisa di antara mereka sekarang, tapi ia menganggap bahwa melankolis tentang hari-hari terakhir ini dued setidaknya untuk beberapa jenis saddeness undisclosable bahwa ia secara tidak sadar merasa setelah apa yang terjadi atau sesuatu seperti itu.
But no, Yoochun didn't feel anything, at all. Tapi tidak, Yoochun tidak merasakan apa-apa, sama sekali. And so there had to be something else. Jadi harus ada sesuatu yang lain.

Was it his conversation with Changmin that let him in such a state ? Apakah itu percakapannya dengan Changmin yang membiarkannya dalam keadaan seperti itu? Was it...Because of Junsu that he felt that something was lacking ? Apakah itu ... Karena Junsu bahwa ia merasa bahwa ada sesuatu yang kurang? It could not be...It was not possible. Tidak mungkin ... Tidak mungkin.
I think you're confusing our two situations . Saya pikir Anda membingungkan kedua situasi. Was Changmin saying the truth after all ? Apakah Changmin mengatakan kebenaran setelah semua? Was he actually jealous when Changmin interacted with Junsu ? Apakah dia benar-benar cemburu ketika berinteraksi dengan JunSu Changmin? That was crazy he couldn't be...But as he thought about it, he started to feel this way since that day when they stopped to talk to each other. Itu gila ia tidak bisa ... Tapi saat ia berpikir tentang hal itu, ia mulai merasa seperti ini sejak hari ketika mereka berhenti untuk berbicara satu sama lain.

But he couldn't...He couldn't actually like him could he ? Tapi ia tidak bisa ... Dia bisa tidak benar-benar seperti dia bisa dia? He...Yoochun felt as if something had hit his head. La ... Yoochun merasa seolah-olah sesuatu telah memukul kepalanya. Though that would explain so much...So much, but...When ? Meskipun yang akan menjelaskan begitu banyak ... Begitu banyak, tapi ... Kapan? When could he have started to feel this way ? Ketika ia bisa mulai merasa seperti ini? He didn't even realise it, how could this be possible ? Dia bahkan tidak menyadari hal itu, bagaimana mungkin ini bisa terjadi? How could he have been that oblivious to his own feelings ? Bagaimana mungkin dia telah menyadari bahwa perasaan sendiri? He had to see him, he had to see Junsu, just to be sure, he had to be sure. Dia harus bertemu dengannya, ia harus melihat Junsu, hanya untuk memastikan, ia harus yakin.

Then, please stay away from him for a while will you ? Yoochun's eyes suddently widdened. Lalu, silakan tinggal jauh dari dia untuk sementara waktu akan Anda suddently YooChun's? Mata widdened. Could it be ? Mungkinkah? Junsu...Could it be that he liked him ? Junsu ... Mungkinkah dia menyukainya? Then the reasons of the quarrel they had, Changmin's words and behaviour, could it be because of that ? Kemudian alasan pertengkaran mereka, kata-kata Changmin dan perilaku, mungkinkah karena itu? Yoochun shook his head, no, he couldn't think that way, if he was wrong, if he asked Junsu and found out that all he did was to convince himself of a lie he had created, how could he face him ? YooChun menggeleng, tidak, dia tidak bisa berpikir seperti itu, jika ia salah, jika ia meminta Junsu dan menemukan bahwa semua yang ia lakukan adalah meyakinkan dirinya dari kebohongan dia diciptakan, bagaimana dia bisa menghadapinya?

But, if he happened to be right then... Maybe... Namun, kalau ia kebetulan saat itu ... Mungkin ...
And after all, even if he was rejected, it would not be the first time, why don't take all the misery he could get in one go ? Dan setelah semua, bahkan jika ia ditolak, tidak akan menjadi pertama kalinya, mengapa tidak mengambil semua penderitaan yang ia bisa dalam satu pergi? Yeah sure...That was better like that, otherwise he'll never be sure. Yeah yakin ... Itu lebih baik seperti itu, kalau tidak, ia tidak akan pernah yakin.
Yoochun laughed finding that he was getting more and more ridiculous. YooChun tertawa menemukan bahwa dia menjadi lebih dan lebih menggelikan. No matter how many excuses he could find, he knew that the truth was that he just wanted to know. Tidak peduli berapa banyak alasan yang bisa dia temukan, ia tahu bahwa kebenaran adalah bahwa ia hanya ingin tahu. He just wished that he was right. Dia hanya berharap bahwa dia benar.




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It was finally there, what let Junsu anxious and scared their results were finally put up in the corridor. Akhirnya ada, apa yang membiarkan Junsu cemas dan takut akhirnya hasil mereka disiapkan dalam koridor. He skimed through the giant poster until his he finally found his name, and his grades. Dia skimed melalui poster raksasa sampai akhirnya ia menemukan namanya, dan nilai-nilainya.

“Shit I did it !” He cried out “Where the hell is Changmin, when he'll learn that...” "Sialan Aku melakukannya" Dia berseru, "Di mana Changmin, ketika ia akan belajar bahwa! ..."

“Gods, Junsu you got such good grades” "Tuhan, Junsu Anda mendapat nilai bagus seperti"

“Yeah ! "Yeah! See !” He answered without even checking who the person he talked to was, and his voice trailed off as he saw him. Lihat "Dia menjawab tanpa memeriksa! Siapa orang yang ia berbicara dengan itu, dan suaranya menghilang saat ia melihat orang itu.

“I promised I'll buy you your lunch if you suceeded didn't I ?” "Aku berjanji akan membelikan makan siang Anda jika Anda berhasil bukan?"

“Yeah but...I have to...Tell Changmin the news before !” "Yeah, tapi ... aku harus ... Katakan Changmin berita sebelumnya!"

“Come on Junsu, Changmin will not vanish from this earh after one hour” "Ayo Junsu, Changmin tidak akan lenyap dari earh ini setelah satu jam"

“One hour ?” Yoochun just laughed at Junsu's surprised face, and caught him by the arm 'let's go'. "Satu jam" Yoochun? Hanya tertawa melihat wajah terkejut Junsu, dan menangkap lengannya "mari kita pergi".

Junsu had no idea of what he was doing here. Junsu tidak tahu apa yang dia lakukan di sini. He had tried the best he could for weeks to avoid that man, and there he was sharing a meal with him, staring at his face. Dia telah mencoba sebaik mungkin selama berminggu-minggu untuk menghindari orang itu, dan itu dia makan bersama dia, menatap wajahnya. The silence which was hanging between them was seriously beginning to make him uncomfortable, and so he tried hard to think of something to say. Kesunyian yang tergantung di antara mereka adalah serius mulai membuatnya tidak nyaman, sehingga dia berusaha keras untuk memikirkan sesuatu untuk dikatakan.

“So...How...How...Is it going between you and Jae ?” Right Junsu, in all the things you could say, you just had to choose that one. "Jadi ... Bagaimana ... Bagaimana ... Apakah terjadi di antara Anda dan Jae" Benar? JunSu, dalam semua hal yang Anda bisa mengatakan, Anda hanya harus memilih satu.

“We're not together” "Kita tidak bersama-sama"

“Oh...What ?! "Oh ... Apa?! You broke up ?” Anda putus? "

“No, we were not together to begin with” "Tidak, kami tidak sama untuk mulai dengan"

“...Are you making a fool out of me?” "... Apakah Anda membuat orang bodoh dari saya?"

“No it's the truth, we just pretended, Jaejoong...Knew...Someone that...Wouldn't have stopped to try to hit on him, I guess one can says that, if he didn't get himself a boyfriend, and so I told I'll help him” "Tidak itu memang benar, kami hanya berpura-pura, Jaejoong ... Tahu ... Seseorang itu ... Tidak akan berhenti untuk mencoba mencapai pada dia, saya kira kita bisa mengatakan bahwa, jika ia tidak mendapatkan dirinya pacar, dan jadi kukatakan aku akan membantunya "

“I can't believe this...Yah ! "Aku tidak percaya ini ... Yah! Do you seriously think I'm such a fool ? Apakah Anda serius berpikir aku seperti orang tolol? If it were the truth why do yo tell me this now uh ?” Jika itu adalah kebenaran mengapa yo bilang eh ini sekarang? "

“Because he's going to settle things himself with that person, and so we'll be able to stop to pretend” "Karena dia akan membereskan masalah dirinya dengan orang tersebut, dan begitu kita akan bisa berhenti untuk berpura-pura"

“...So all this time you were just pretending ?” "... Jadi selama ini kau hanya berpura-pura?"

“Yes...How do you feel about that ?” "Ya ... Bagaimana perasaan Anda tentang itu?"

“About what ?” "Tentang apa?"

“About the fact that I'm not with him” "Tentang fakta bahwa aku tidak bersamanya"

“...Why would I feel something special about it ?” "... Kenapa aku merasa sesuatu yang istimewa tentang hal itu?"

“An intuition” "Sebuah intuisi"

“Then you should not trust yourslef so much” "Kalau begitu, Anda tidak harus percaya yourslef begitu banyak"

“Junsu ah...Do you like me ?” "Junsu ah ... Apakah Anda seperti saya?"

“Are you crazy ?” "Apakah kau gila?"

“No, I just want to know, then do you like me ?” "Tidak, aku hanya ingin tahu, apakah Anda seperti saya?"

“No ! "Tidak! Well yes, but...I like you as a friend, a friend !” Well ya, tapi ... aku suka Anda sebagai teman, teman! "

“Is that so” "Apakah itu begitu"

“'is that so' what ?” "'Adalah bahwa begitu' apa?"

“Yaaah, that really is too bad, I guess this is called heartbreak then” "Yaaah, yang benar-benar terlalu buruk, saya kira ini disebut patah hati kemudian"

“Heartbreak ? "Heartbreak? What kind of idiotic thing are you saying?” Apa hal konyol maksudmu? "

“Junsu ah...I think I like you, and not as a friend, but since you don't share my feelings, I'll not bother you any longer” Junsu was so stunned about what he heard that he missed the smirk who was though clearly obvious on Yoochun's face as the latter stood up. "Junsu ah ... saya rasa saya seperti Anda, dan bukan sebagai teman, tapi karena Anda tidak berbagi perasaan saya, saya tidak akan mengganggu Anda lagi" Junsu begitu tercengang tentang apa yang ia mendengar bahwa ia merindukan senyum itu yang meski jelas jelas di wajah YooChun sebagai yang kedua berdiri. “I'm going now, please excuse me” "Aku akan pergi sekarang, tolong maafkan aku"

“W-wait ! "W-tunggu! Are you...Actually serious ?” And Junsu couldn't help but to turn his eyes away and blush when he saw Yoochun's smile set on him. Apakah Anda ... Sebenarnya serius "Dan? Junsu tidak bisa membantu tetapi untuk mengubah matanya memerah pergi dan ketika ia melihat senyum YooChun yang ditetapkan kepadanya.

“I am” "Aku"

“Well...I don't like you but...I could...I could try to if you were...If you were just to stay with me” "Yah ... Aku tidak suka kamu tapi ... aku bisa ... aku bisa mencoba jika Anda ... Jika Anda hanya tinggal bersama saya"

“That's all I needed to hear, oh and I take that as a confession from you by the way” "Itu saja yang diperlukan untuk mendengar, oh dan aku menganggap itu sebagai sebuah pengakuan dari Anda dengan cara"
And seeing Junsu's red face, Yoochun thought that the futur was going to be just fine if he was with him. Dan melihat wajah merah Junsu's, Yoochun Futur berpikir bahwa itu akan baik-baik saja jika ia dengan dia.




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“Yunho, can you spare some time ?” "Yunho, bisa Anda meluangkan waktu beberapa?"

“What is it?” "Apa itu?"

“I want to show you my painting, but we can still go after club activities you know” "Saya ingin menunjukkan lukisan saya, tapi kita masih bisa pergi setelah kegiatan klub kau tahu"

“No, no, it doesn't matter if I cut club once, let's go” "Tidak, tidak, tidak masalah jika saya memotong klub sekali, mari kita pergi"

He hasn't changed one bit, still making me his priority . Dia tidak berubah sedikit pun, masih membuat saya prioritasnya. Walking on the street next to him was strange, and exciting at the same time. Berjalan di jalan sampingnya aneh, dan menarik pada saat yang sama. It had been so long since we last were able to truly talk, or to spend time together, just having him walking next to me felt special now. Sudah begitu lama sejak terakhir kami mampu benar-benar bicara, atau menghabiskan waktu bersama, hanya karena dia berjalan di samping saya merasa istimewa sekarang.

“Are you happy with Yoochun ?” "Apakah Anda bahagia dengan Yoochun?"

To this question, I did not answer. Untuk pertanyaan ini, saya tidak menjawab. “Let's go” I said. "Mari kita pergi" kataku. I will tell him the truth, but after I show him my painting, only then will I tell him everything. Aku akan memberitahu dia kebenaran, tapi setelah saya menunjukkan lukisan saya, hanya maka Aku akan menceritakan semuanya. Those words were already in my mouth, asking desperately to be said, but still shy to come out. Kata-kata itu sudah dalam mulutku, meminta mati-matian untuk dikatakan, tapi masih malu-malu untuk keluar. Though I knew there will not be any turning back from that point. Meskipun aku tahu tidak akan ada apa pun berbalik dari titik itu. I was not afraid anymore, I wanted to tell him everything, I had finally decided and nothing could have made my mind change. Aku tidak takut lagi, aku ingin menceritakan semuanya, aku akhirnya memutuskan dan tidak ada yang bisa membuat saya berubah pikiran. Not even the fear to lose his friendship, nor the one to disgust him. Bahkan rasa takut kehilangan persahabatannya, maupun orang yang jijik kepadanya.

Our friendship had got back to normal now. persahabatan kami telah kembali normal sekarang. And in a way this was weird, I realised then that never will I be able to see him as a friend only. Dan dalam cara ini adalah aneh, saya sadar bahwa saya tidak akan pernah bisa melihat dia sebagai teman saja. Even something that I had desperately wished for in the past, only let me disappointed and greedy now. Bahkan sesuatu yang saya sangat berharap untuk di masa lalu, hanya membiarkan saya kecewa dan serakah sekarang. I realised that I will always need more of him, always will I wish for something else, and if I wanted a chance to go on I had to make things clear between us. Saya menyadari bahwa saya selalu akan membutuhkan lebih dari dirinya, akan selalu aku berharap untuk sesuatu yang lain, dan jika saya ingin kesempatan untuk pergi pada aku harus membuat semuanya jelas antara kami.

“It's unlike you to show me your painting now, I mean you didn't want me to see it at the school festival” "Tidak seperti Anda untuk menunjukkan lukisan Anda sekarang, aku berarti Anda tidak ingin aku melihatnya di festival sekolah"

I am prepared for the worst possibility, he may turn his back on me and leave after I tell him, he might not talk to me comfortably anymore. Saya siap untuk kemungkinan terburuk, ia bisa memutar kembali pada saya dan pergi setelah aku katakan padanya, ia tidak bisa bicara padaku nyaman lagi. But I think it is just fair to tell him. Tapi saya rasa itu hanya wajar untuk memberitahunya. Fair to him, and to me. Adil baginya, dan bagi saya.

“I especially wanted you to see it now, with me” We were finally there, in that room where the best paintings had been placed. "Saya terutama ingin kau melihat sekarang, dengan aku" Kita akhirnya di sana, di ruangan tempat lukisan-lukisan terbaik yang telah ditempatkan. I guided him to mine and as he looked at it, I couldn't tell why but my breath was nearly cut. Saya memimpin dia untuk tambang dan saat ia melihatnya, aku tidak tahu mengapa tapi napas hampir dipotong.

“Really ? "Sungguh? It's that one ? Ada yang salah? 'Desire' ?” 'Hasrat'? "

“Yes it is mine” "Ya itu saya"

“Wow ! "Wow! Jaejoong that's great you got the honorable mention ?! Jaejoong yang bagus Anda harus menyebutkan terhormat?! Gods, your painting is really awesome” Dewa, lukisan Anda benar-benar luar biasa "

“This is you” "Ini adalah Anda"

“Oh yeah?...Wh What ? "Oh yeah? ... Wh Apa? Me ??” Aku?? "

“This is the image I have of you, no, it is more like the feelings I have for you” "Ini adalah gambar yang saya miliki tentang Anda, tidak, itu lebih seperti perasaan saya untuk Anda"

“B-But this...'Desire' What's that supposed to...” "B-Tapi ini ... 'Hasrat' Apa yang seharusnya ..."

“It's my desire. "Itu keinginan saya. Yunho, I've had a crush on you for a long time, my feelings were beyond friendship since a long time” I allowed myself to look at him for a second, and to his opened mouth and stunned eyes, I could only chuckle. Look at his face when I'm confessing how I feel . Yunho, aku sudah tertarik pada Anda untuk waktu yang lama, perasaan saya berada di luar persahabatan sejak lama "aku membiarkan diriku menatapnya sejenak, dan mulutnya terbuka dan mata tertegun, aku hanya bisa tertawa. Lihat wajahnya saat aku mengakui perasaanku.

“Wait, wait a second, you, you and Yoochun...” "Tunggu, tunggu sebentar, Anda, Anda dan Yoochun ..."

“This was a lie, I didn't want to keep on doing things like that with you, so we acted as we were going out, but we never did. "Ini bohong, saya tidak ingin terus melakukan hal-hal seperti itu dengan Anda, jadi kami bertindak sebagai kami akan keluar, tapi kami tidak pernah melakukannya. Yunho, I've always cared for you, and you have to understand that it was unbearable to have you using me as a sex toy, it saddened me to death and..” Yunho, aku selalu merawat Anda, dan Anda harus mengerti bahwa itu tak tertahankan untuk memiliki Anda menggunakan saya sebagai mainan seks, itu membuat saya sedih mati dan .. "

“Why didn't you tell me at that time ?!” "Kenapa kau tidak memberitahu saya waktu itu?!"

“I thought you wouldn't understand, I thought you'd find me disgusting and stop to be my friend, and I couldn't afford it, to lose you completely I was scared that you might come to hate me” "Saya pikir Anda tidak akan mengerti, saya pikir Anda akan menemukan saya menjijikkan dan berhenti untuk menjadi teman saya, dan saya tidak mampu, kehilangan Anda benar-benar aku takut bahwa Anda mungkin akan membenciku"

“I...” "I. .."

“But, I can't keep on lying to you, it is not fair to the both of us. "Tapi, aku tidak bisa terus berbohong kepada Anda, tidak adil bagi kami berdua. I realised that no matter what I do, I can't put you out of my mind, out of my soul. Saya menyadari bahwa apa pun yang saya lakukan, saya tidak bisa membuat Anda keluar dari pikiranku, dari jiwaku. I can't forget you unless I share my feelings with you. Aku tidak bisa melupakan Anda, kecuali saya berbagi perasaan saya dengan Anda. I have to experience rejection, otherwise I'll never be able to move on.” Saya telah mengalami penolakan, kalau tidak aku tidak akan pernah bisa untuk melanjutkan. "

“Jaejoong...” "JaeJoong ..."

“So, please do not worry about it, don't think that you were being a jerk...Well you were actually, it was really hard but I was guilty too. "Jadi, jangan khawatir tentang hal itu, jangan berpikir bahwa Anda sedang brengsek ... Yah Anda benar-benar, itu sangat sulit tapi aku bersalah juga. And, even if you did it out of curiosity I guess I was lucky to have my first time with someone I truly love.” Dan, bahkan jika Anda melakukannya karena penasaran saya kira saya cukup beruntung punya waktu pertama saya dengan seseorang yang saya benar-benar mencintai. "

I didn't even know how I succeeded to do so, but a smile appeared on my face, I was parted between how lighter I felt now, and the fright to discover his answer. Aku bahkan tidak tahu bagaimana aku berhasil melakukannya, tetapi senyum muncul di wajahku, aku berpisah antara bagaimana saya merasa lebih ringan sekarang, dan ketakutan untuk menemukan jawabannya. But in any case I knew that I will not regret it. Tapi dalam hal apapun saya tahu bahwa saya tidak akan menyesal.

“It's not like that” "Tidak seperti itu"

“What ?” "Apa?"

“Jaejoong it was not curiosity. "Jaejoong itu bukan rasa ingin tahu. Well at the beginning yeah maybe, I can't deny it. Nah pada awal yeah mungkin, saya tidak bisa menyangkalnya. You were always on my mind, I imagined your face when you came and I was dying to see that for real. Kau selalu di pikiran saya, saya membayangkan wajah Anda ketika kau datang dan aku sangat ingin melihat yang nyata. I couldn't get you out of my head, I wanted to see that for real , and so I forced you to sleep with me” Aku tidak bisa Anda keluar dari kepala saya, saya ingin melihat bahwa untuk nyata, dan jadi aku dipaksa untuk tidur dengan saya "

“What are you saying?” "Apa maksudmu?"

“Then it was much better than I thought. "Kalau itu jauh lebih baik daripada yang saya pikir. I didn't want to let you go, even if I was counscious what I was doing was wrong, and was awful to you, I truly did not want to let it go. Aku tidak ingin membiarkan engkau pergi, bahkan jika aku counscious apa yang saya lakukan salah, dan mengerikan kepada Anda, aku benar-benar tidak ingin melepaskannya. Little by little, I felt myself care for you more and more, all I could think of was you since then, and even now. Sedikit demi sedikit, aku merasa diriku merawat Anda lebih dan lebih, aku hanya bisa memikirkan Anda sejak saat itu, dan bahkan sekarang.

“Yunho you...” "Yunho Anda ..."

“When you said you were going out with Yoochun, jealousy took away the best of me. "Ketika Anda bilang kau pacaran dengan Yoochun, kecemburuan mengambil yang terbaik dari saya. I tried to convince myself that it was good as long as I still could stay close to you as a friend, but to tell the truth I was definitively going to get you back from him, I was always thinking this way” Aku berusaha meyakinkan diri bahwa semuanya itu baik selama aku masih bisa tinggal dekat dengan Anda sebagai teman, tapi sejujurnya aku definitif akan mendapatkan kembali dari dia, aku selalu berpikir seperti ini "

“Wh-What are you talking about ? "Ap-apa maksudmu? You have a girlfriend you..” Anda memiliki pacar kamu .. "

“We broke up a long time ago, it was already over on that rainy day” "Kami putus lama, itu sudah berakhir pada hari hujan"

“No-No way” I felt my knees becoming weaker, I hadn't seen here around lately because...Because they broke up...because he... "Tidak-Tidak mungkin" Aku merasa lututku menjadi lemah, aku tidak melihat di sini sekitar akhir-akhir ini karena ... Karena mereka putus ... karena dia ...

“You know that I only get aroused with you” "Kau tahu bahwa saya hanya mendapatkan terangsang dengan Anda"

“What's that supposed to mean” For a minute I was afraid, afraid I could have wrongly understood. "Apa maksudnya" Untuk sesaat aku takut, takut aku bisa salah mengerti.

He drew my body toward his, and before I could even react pressed his lips firmly against mine “It means that I love you, you idiot” Dia menarik tubuhku ke arahnya, dan sebelum aku bahkan bisa bereaksi menekan bibirnya tegas terhadap saya "Itu berarti bahwa aku mencintaimu, idiot"

“You're a deviant” "Kau menyimpang"

“Ain't I ?” "Bukankah aku?"

“I thought I was the only deviant one” And there, pressed against his body, his lips murmuring things to my ear so quietly that I, in my daze, could only understand the gentleness of his words but not the actual meaning, I thought I felt a tear rolling down on my cheek, but it was not saddeness anymore. "Saya pikir saya adalah satu-satunya menyimpang" Dan di sana, menempel di tubuhnya, bibirnya bergumam sesuatu ke telingaku begitu tenang bahwa saya, bingung saya, hanya bisa memahami kelembutan kata-kata, tapi bukan arti sebenarnya, saya pikir Aku merasa air mata menetes di pipi saya, tapi tidak saddeness lagi.